Existence

So damn.

It’s been almost a full year since i’ve graduated from lake braddock, and it’s crazy to think about how much has changed.

Everyone’s in a new era of their lives, learning, exploring, partying.. and it’s not gonna stop here, is it? At the beginning of graduation, i thought i would be upset because of all my friends that i would leave behind. All the fun memories would be nothing but.. however, i ended up liking the change, not because it was better but simply because it was change. It’s not good to get too attached to something, and change kept me on my toes.

So now I spend my days working as a real estate agent’s assistant. It’s a great job that pays well and allows me to make many important connections that might help me in the future. I see my boss working and her coworkers working and earning a lot of money but I keep asking myself: are they happy? or are they just content? every time i get a paycheck, it reminds me why i’m working. but damn, that’s not a good reason to be doing a job.. i’ve thought about entering the field of real estate.. but the thought of a full time job there like my boss is dreadful. how can anyone have a passion for real estate.. i don’t think it’s possible, and i think real estate is the epitome of content-ness.

my dream is just to be doing a job that i’m passionate about. something fulfilling that will make me happy to come in and satisfied by the time i leave. but i don’t even know what i’m passionate about. and the more i work in jobs like these the more i get sucked into this kind of lifestyle of content-ness. i’m supposed to go to college and pick a major of what i want to do for the rest of my life but FUCK i don’t know what it is! so my dilemma is still the same: i’m confused beyond comprehension. i want to happy but at the same time i want to be wealthy. and they definitely are not the same. but these are my life’s ambitions and i want to be able to achieve them.. i know of one life and this is it. i can’t let momentary things get in the way too much, but at the same time, i try to enjoy each and every moment, live in the moment, etc.. there’s so much contradiction in my life that i find it almost humorous. haha.. but seriously, it’s not funny cause it’s so confusing.

anyway, i’ll be on diablo 3 if anyone needs me. 

til then.