69Sun Drop
So damn.
It’s been almost a full year since i’ve graduated from lake braddock, and it’s crazy to think about how much has changed.
Everyone’s in a new era of their lives, learning, exploring, partying.. and it’s not gonna stop here, is it? At the beginning of graduation, i thought i would be upset because of all my friends that i would leave behind. All the fun memories would be nothing but memories.. but i liked the change, not because it was better but simply because it was change. It’s not good to get too attached to something, and change keeps me on my toes.
The people whom I used to spend most of my days with are very different from the people I hang out with now. Watching the people I used to know go off into prestigious colleges such as uva, tech, john hopkins, etc, made me sort of jealous. Of course I want to learn and educate myself on a collegiate level but the main question is.. will it actually make me intelligent? but what is intelligence anyway? “if you judge a fish by it’s ability to climb a tree, it will live its life believing it’s stupid.” so it’s not even about becoming intelligent anymore. i don’t want to learn for learning sake. i don’t want to cram information that i don’t care about into my brain. i just want to find something that makes me happy. and the people whom I chill with now show me that being happy is the most important thing in life. to say that these people are any less intelligent than the people who get into great colleges is a downright lie.
So now I spend my days working as a real estate agent’s assistant. It’s a great job that pays well and allows me to make many important connections that might help me in the future. I see my boss working and her coworkers working and earning a lot of money but I keep asking myself, are they happy? or are they just content? everytime i get a paycheck, it reminds me why i’m working. but damn, that’s not a good reason to be doing a job.. i’ve thought about entering the field of real estate.. but the thought of a full time job there like my boss is dreadful. how can anyone have a passion for real estate.. i don’t think it’s possible.
my dream is just to be doing a job that i’m passionate about. something fulfilling that will make me happy to come in and satisfied by the time i leave. but i don’t even know what i’m passionate about. and the more i work in jobs like these the more i get sucked into this kind of lifestyle of content-ness. i’m supposed to go to college and pick a major of what i want to do for the rest of my life but FUCK i don’t know what it is! so my dilemma is still the same. i’m confused as shit. i want to be wealthy and i want to be happy. i know that they are not the same and they certainly do not go hand in hand. but these are my life’s ambitions and i want to be able to achieve them.. i know of one life and this is it. i can’t let momentary things get in the way too much, but at the same time, i try to enjoy and live in the moment. there’s so much contradiction in my life that i find it almost humorous.. haha.
til then.
